sensuous footsteps on granite

How to start this nonsense…Hmm…Flunked my A.S preliminary exams but on the other hand got a high score in planning (that certainly made my day)… smoked  2 sticks of cigarette…hmmm… This day has been nerve-wrecking!Pure anarchy! I couldn’t think of a good thing or an idea to post in here. I’m just staring at the monitor listening to "smoke" and trying to get a hang of what happened today. A.S really ruined my not-exactly wonderful day but looking at the bright side of it, I flunked the test but not the entire subject so that’s an excuse for me to have a good night sleep. But still I have tons of work to do; a plate in BT, and try to get a hang of what’s ahead. Now I’m listening to Paul Oakenfold…Maybe I’ll just go ahead and take a shower and take a smoke that would surely clear out my mind before I start pummeling the tracing paper.

         Finally! I got the chance to talk to you… I got that zhiznik hell of a good time with you. Now I’m wonderin’ if I’m going to be honest with myself or die of isolation. I don’t even know how you’re going to react on that honesty part. I really need a sign… ONE HELL OF A SIGN! Maybe a billboard or something…Perhaps you can just tell me yourself…What do you think???

            Classes are about to start. But still, I don’t feel the presence of the almighty power of education. I feel I’m being strangled by two opposite polar sites. It’s just crazy that creepy things have been happening for the past few weeks. Some sort of a "pahabol", just to cope up with the idea that it’s summer and it’s good to enjoy while it lasts. I’m on this "internet fasting" thing or some sort of abstaining myself from logging in. But it’s more of corrupting myself and denying to myself the pleasures of typing and just torturing my fingers until it goes from frankfurters to sore monkey’s fingers. Still I didn’t manage to apply discipline and here I am typing my hours and minutes away. The good thing, my blog is being updated. Now the downside, I need to meet my friends and here I am abusing the time given to me. Hah!  Foolish mortal! Well supposedly, my friends in school are planning to have a "last minute gimik" before classes resume on the 14th. And I don’t even know where the hell we’re going on that day. No venues, no plans and no time! No money at that! Crazy freaks! And right now I’m totally saving my money even to the last penny! I’m really going to buy that mp3 player even if it kills me! (not literally of course!) It’s a way to put my money into good use-sort of! And that philips headphones that I’m so dying to buy right now!….It’s going to be mine!!!!! Mine I tell you!!!! Hahahaha….*heatstroke*

         An interesting bit of advice I read several years ago: “Proudly exclude some people. Know who you are, and have the confidence that somewhere out there, there’s a little niche of people that would like your kind of music.”

                                                                    - Vienna Teng

        I really adored this line and has always been true. Not only it applies to music, but also to people. Excluding someone is not fabricating or plasticizing someone nor discriminating anyone in particular. Well, maybe a little but come to think of it that takes the definiton of "unique" to a whole new level. Being a person with contrasting personalities, ideologies and philosophies in life, I’ve managed to rid my circle of people of definite proportions. I’m snob (mataray) but it has put me on the right platform. I don’t regret things and I’m not sociable-to the highest bid and far from being too sociable. I don’t go with the flow. I don’t flatter people to gain their affection or trust. I always say what I feel. Screw prudence. If I have to be honest with something might as well get to the point. Reality bites. And only few real people have accepted that. Others hate me for that, others love me because of what I do. "Loudly leave out 99% of the world. When someone in your target 1% hears you excluding the part of the population they already feel alienated from, they’ll be drawn to you". I know no one (right now) who knows or even listens to the music I listen. I tend to face a train head on, as long as I enjoy the the music I don’t give a damn. When it comes to friends: I have lots of casual friends but only few survive. I have no conditions but I have convictions. I don’t choose friends, people come and go as they always say, but I tend to keep a level head. Respect is a human instinct thing and a defense mechanism at that. People tend to respect you because they know you’re from being a shallow, alienated, soldier of mediocrity. "Know who you are, and have the confidence that somewhere out there, there’s a little niche of people that would like your kind of music/you for who you are". I know myself and I’ve built my castle. And you can’t please everyone, And I’m still vying for that label. And I’m not planning to do anything of that sort either… I am what I am and I’m happy with that…

I walk a mile with a smile I don’t know I don’t care where I am
But I know it’s alright
Jump the tracks can’t get back I don’t know anyone around here
But I’m safe this time

Cos when you, tell me, tell me, tell me stupid things, like you do
Yes I, have to, have to, have to change the rules, I can’t lose

Cos I shiver, I just break up, when I’m near you it all gets out of hand
Yes I shiver, I get bent up, there’s no way that I’ll know you’ll understand

We talk and talk around it all, who’d of thought we’d end up here
But I’m feeling fine
In a rush never trust you’ll be there, if I’d only stop
And take my time

Cos with you, I’m running, running, running somewhere I can’t get to
Yes I, have to, have to, have to change the rules, I’m with you

Cos I shiver, I just break up when I’m near you it all gets out of hand
Yes I shiver I get bent up there’s no way that I’ll know you’ll understand

What if you get of at the next stop?
Would you just wait as I’m drifting off?
And if I never saw you again, could I, put all, of this, aside

Cos I shiver, I just break up when I’m near you it all gets out of hand
Yes I shiver I get bent up there’s no way that I’ll know you’ll understand

I shiver, I shiver,
Cos I shiver, I just break up when I’m near you it all gets out of hand
Yes I shiver I get bent up there’s no way that I know you’ll understand 

i look both ways on a one way street
pessimist? cautious? optimistic?
a demented silhouette in broad daylight
predictable. enigmatic. prolific.
I’ve tied my hands to the only one
a fractured concrete on shallow water
I’m the inevitable stranger on stilts

I tried to look but I don’t have eyes
I tried to hear but I don’t have ears
I’ve saved myself but still not enough,
enough to save myself

I look over and underneath the pretentious sky
I see everything, i see everything
stratosphere’s right hand has enveloped me
freya’s left hand choked me
Im the inevitable stranger
of the unconditional scenario

I’ve eaten irony for breakfast
I’ve sliced the unavoidable predicament in half
Honesty is as still as the roots of the shrub
You’ve stepped on it like grass
and the cruiser’s ship on blue stature
as it melts the polar opposites of the wild.

You tried to catch up, i’m already far
You tried to hold, i let go
You tried to be pesimisstic, I’m a narcissist
For I’m an inevitable stranger
a fractured concrete of my time